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McCloskey

Thought Reform

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Dear franz:

I am really pleased of your e-mail.Very fast!!! I am surprised as well of
being the first one who answers to you, because I thought that you already
had hundreds of answers.Anyway, if I can help you with what I lived, I will
do it. I can tell you about things such as obedience to the directors,talks
to the directors,strategies to catch new adepts,money matters,friendships,
etc....

OK,today I will talk about obedience. As you probably know, in each centre
there is always a director,sub-director and a secretary,for all of them you
have to get the respect as if you were talking to the Father,as they
represent him.The director is the one in charge of the running of the centre
and the people who live or go there.She/He has the ultimate power and
whatever they say has to be done.If you get on well with them everything is
fine, but otherwise you can feel a little bit isolated.During my years I
have had the two experiences,sometimes I did not get on at all and in other
cases I got on very well.One of my still friends is a quite important
director in Pamplona who I still see from time to time.As you know once a
week you have to do what is called the "fraternity talk" and in most of the
cases has to be with one of the members of the board.In this talks, you
usually talk about your religious life,specially about what you have
achieved from the previous week,and what you think has to be done for the
next one.You always talk about Mortification(at least you have to get 6 or 7
in your list),Apostolate(what you have done,and who you are going to talk
to,or the ways you can convince someone to come to a
meditation...)Chastity(if you have had any temptations,how you have dealt
with them,or if not,what you have done,what you were thinking about the
other person,if you put him/her in a difficult situation...)And you also
talk about any worries that you can have,such as
family,studies,monetary...brief,your entire life. It is very,very grave to
miss your weekly talk and even if you DO NOT want to do it, you HAVE TO.I
remember one specific day where I was living in Madrid and I was moving to a
new appartment, so I had to be there with my other 2 flatmates to move all
the staff that we had.I called to say that I could not going, because I had
to be moving out and I wanted my talk to be changed to a different day.My
God!!I only received a cold shower and she told me that my talk was more
important that moving my staff.This person wasn't the director, so I went
there and I can assure you that I said that it was outrageous and
inadmisible.The director of course agreed with me, but it was too late!!

When you are told to do something, you just have to do it, without thinking
about it.They say that obedience is intelligent,because you trust what the
director say and obviously as the person who is representing the
Father,She/He knows more than you, and she is not going to ask for anything
which is impossible.(!!!!) I can't tell you how much I didn't agree with
that and that I used to say yes,yes,yes, but I was doing what I wanted to
do.  Numerarios,are regarded as the cream, together with the priests, who in
the majority of the cases were as well numerarios.~Whatever a priest
say,even if it is absolutely nonsense you have to do it.there is not NO for
them.

During the years, I have found myself travelling to the end of the world in
one day,going to places where I didn't want to go,meeting people that I
didn't want to meet, and what it is the worst,believing things that I did or
that I couldn't believe in.For all this years I tried to be the nice,good
and specially faith person that they wanted me to be,but as soon as I was
going out I was finding myself struggling with conversations in such as
contraception,homosexuality,different religions....I can't forget that I had
friends within those areas and that they suggested me to stop having contact
with them because I could get "dirty" with their beliefsor way or
living.This was of course part of the obedience that you are supposed to
give. After having tried everything to convince myself that I was wrong and
having been a schizofrenic with 2 different lifes(the nice one in there and
the "normal" one in the real world),I decided that I couldn't carry on like
that and that I just wanted to be me,just ME.


I am sorry about ********, but if she is in there you don't have much
hope,she will pray for you to be converted and at one point she will be told
not to talk to you, because you represent the "evil" and they don't want her
to think.She is- and I am sure of what I am saying- the HAPPIEST person on
earth at the moment, and she will only come back with the aid of two things:

A)If she is intelligent and she doesn't take anything for granted.I
mean,someone who wants to learn more and who questions herself and her
beliefs.

B)If she has friends who bring her back to the REAL WORLD,with all 
the implications that it has.Ask her questions about what to do with 
her friends who sleep with their boyfriends,the natality in Africa, 
this nice friend who was born gay and who has to sacrifice his entire 
life and who is not allowed to be loved....ask her practical 
questions about practical life, and do not allow her to be just 
idealistic, put her in a real situation with a real friend,etc...
After my experience with the OD, I do not belive in Catholicism,I 
believe in being a good person and in loving and helping the others.I 
criticise the way Rome is leading the Catholic Church,and specially 
it touches me in many different ways.One day I will explain them to 
you.

Speak to you soon, XXXXXXXXXXX